No, I'm serious, how does one make new friends? As you may know, I moved to a new city and a new state about 7 months ago after finishing my undergrad degree. And one of the biggest struggles I have found in my new "home" is that I have absolutely no clue how to make friends as an adult.
One of my favorite shows to binge watch, while I was in college, was the infamous HBO sitcom, "Sex and the City". I loved watching these four women take on the dating scene in Manhattan and their struggles. (Especially as I was just starting to get into dating myself and could actually relate to their issues with that scene.)
But what I loved most was the friendships between the four women and how they supported one another. It made me think that I would have a close group of friends once I was in a career. A group that would meet every week or so for lunch or brunch and has a good time together. Sadly what the show doesn't tell us is how these women became such close friends.
Now don't get me wrong, I've met a lot of people during my time here. My Facebook friend count is decidedly up, but I think of that more as a networking tool. Or more of a "Hey we kind of know each other and are interested in what we think, why not be 'friends'?!?" And everyone I've met so far has been pretty great.
But that doesn't really mean I feel like I've made any true friends at this point. Especially as a person with pretty severe social anxiety, I struggle to make friends or feel like I'm actually friends with someone in the first place. And the anxiety makes the idea of going to a bar or something like that nearly impossible. So moving past that anxiety mindset has been really difficult for me in a new location where I knew absolutely no one moving here.
I also have another unique challenge in making friends outside of my social anxiety. I work a shift that in news is called a "nightside" work shift. And what that means is I work from about 1 in the afternoon until 9 or 10 pm. So I have some really nontraditional hours compared to most other people in the workforce right now.
Which has made it really hard for me to meet new people because I can't really join new groups. Trust me, if I worked a regular 9 to 5 workday, I would be apart of so many different things right now. I'd be trying to do local community theater, or going to a regular yoga class, or joining a book club. But that isn't possible for me when I get off work at 9 pm and everyone else my age is at home.
And I mention joining groups because in the past that was always my solution for making friends. Throughout my time in school, whether it was when I was in elementary school all the way up through college, I was involved in a ton of groups and clubs. Those ranged from after-school programs to music groups, to campus organizations. Being a part of a group has always been one of the ways I've identified myself.
But now that's not really something I have in my life. Which has been a weird and very difficult transition for me to grasp. I really miss having a day or two a week where I knew I'd be seeing a specific group of people and talking about our lives and issues in the world. I want that back, but in the past 7 months, I've learned that I don't know how to do that myself.
So I'm asking for your (or anyone you know)'s help. How do you and have you made friends as an adult? Especially if you work more nontraditional hours like a 2nd or a 3rd shift. Because I clearly don't know how to do that myself.
Or if you know of someone I might like, let me know! I'll even put together a little friend profile (like a dating profile, but for friends!) for you if that would help.
I'm a social person who likes meeting new people and getting to know them but is a little socially awkward of going about that. I'm someone who is interested in helping and volunteering for causes that have to do with animals, the LGBTQ community, and mental health awareness.
I'm a big sports fan and I'll try playing them even though I suck at it. I'm a huge nerd who has always wanted to be apart of a D&D campaign or a board game group. And really to sum it all up, I just want to hang out with people on one of my days off of work.
So let me know, how have you made friends? Have you had similar struggles as I have and how did you overcome them? I'm open to any and all answers and look forward to hearing what you have to say!